Maternity is soon over. With three months left to go, my days have been daunting so far. On one hand, I am so ready to go back to work. On the other, I am anxious on how I can possibly cope with separation anxiety. Juggling between ambitious thoughts and emotions, can mothers have it all?
“When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.”
– Sophia Loren
Baby girl and I have been through so much together in the last eight months. It’s surprising how routine made time passes so quickly. Despite the unexpected ups and downs, pulling through motherhood challenges have made me more mature, stronger yet more attached, and created so much loving memory. It’s weird that I could only remember the good times and feeling emotional just by looking at her pictures – I couldn’t believe this little human being has grown so much. I miss her even when she’s asleep! I wish I could turn back time to day zero and redo everything.
After so many months being away from work, it is difficult to imagine how working life would be like after having a child. In particular, separation anxiety is not just a baby concern but it affects me too as a mother. Mother-child bonding isn’t something we can let go overnight. Lifestyle readjustment would take some time. The conditioned interval feed, the walk we enjoy doing, and the play time we spend everyday. Learning to let go should in fact gradually start now.
Having said that, my perspective towards career remained strong. Many would have thought that motivation to strive at work would dissipate post maternity. No doubt being a mother is demanding and requires sacrifices. Some mothers quit for good (if they can afford to or by choice). Of course, work-life balance is the primary culprit given the blurring boundary that exists from remote working. Can we achieve a good work-life balance and earn reasonable family time? What is considered balance and what is not? Can mothers have it all?
Being a mother has no limit when it comes to physical and mental resources. Over-tiredness and frustrations do not stop a mother from providing. It is unconditional love. In my instance, I’ll still need to keep up with patience, get through difficult time, and forget about it after. For the love of being a mother to my little one, I’d do anything including dedicating time for zen to turn my frustration into love.
Everything will be forgiven no matter how bad the day is.
Since young, I adore my mom because she is a caring mother who holds a highly respected profession. In essence, I absolutely admire her determination in striving for her profession, pursuing professional certification on part-time, and still coming home on time to guide me with school homework. By the way, I have three other siblings. Those were the days without laptops, mobile phones, and internet. Despite losing her tantrum on some days, having her around was comforting. She is 65 years old today and still is a working mother. Indeed, perseverance has brought her this far! For the above reasons, I have high respect for working mothers.
Even though I do not know how it feels being a working mother (not even now), I know I’ll still strive in my profession and do it even better than before. I mean, why do we have to choose either or? Perhaps I could be the future role model for my little girl. I’d like her to believe that mothers can have it all. In fact, I feel recharged and powerful after all the tests my daughter has put me through. If motherhood hasn’t kill me, have I totally underestimated my capability?
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